Along the Gravel Road Podcast
Welcome to the Along the Gravel Road Podcast where we’re changing the conversation around mental health. As a You Aren’t Alone Project non-profit initiative, the goal of the podcast is to provide a safe platform for people to share their stories and give others a sense of hope and connection.
With guests ranging from individuals who are open and willing to share their own mental health journeys to mental health professionals to share expertise and advice.
Trigger warning: Some topics discussed in these episodes may be difficult for listeners to hear. If you are feeling triggered by a topic, we encourage you to listen when you are in a better space, or with someone you trust.
Unless otherwise stated, topics discussed are based on personal experiences, not professional advice, and should not be considered an alternative to seeking support from a mental health professional when needed. Additional resources will be provided in the show notes of each episode.
Along the Gravel Road Podcast
Navigating Pregnancy and Postpartum Anxiety with Luisa Cantillo
Join new mom Luisa, as we candidly discuss the unseen battles of motherhood, from mental health and the pressure of cultural expectations to the lifeline found in support systems and reaching out for help, and how these experiences shape the profound journey of raising a child.
Navigating maternal mental health isn't just about personal struggles; it's about the collective silence that shrouds the topic. Luisa's vulnerability in recounting her early days with baby Elena and the transition back to work peels back the curtain on the mental load that new parents carry. Our conversation honors the dualities of motherhood—the bliss of Elena's infectious smile against the backdrop of isolation and postpartum rage. We celebrate the victories, recognize the trials, and, most importantly, create a space for empathy and understanding that traverses cultural and societal boundaries.
As we wrap with Luisa, we shine a light on the resilience of new mothers. Through stories of empowerment and the encouragement to seek help, we underscore the message that no mother is alone in her journey. This episode is a testament to the strength found in vulnerability and the transformative power of shared experiences, inviting every listener to embrace the tumultuous, yet beautiful path of motherhood with open arms and hearts.
Watch via YouTube.
Follow along at instagram.com/youarentaloneproject or learn more at youarentaloneproject.com.
Welcome to the Along the Gravel Road podcast. Today's guest is actually a really good friend of mine, Luisa, and she did not send me a bio, so she's just going to have to sit here while I talk about all her accolades and how great of a person she is. Luisa is a new mom, first and foremost, and a lot of this episode is going to be about the things that she discovered through both pregnancy and postpartum around mental health that she did not expect and that she felt very alone in, and I'm really excited for people to be able to hear her story, because I know that, while her experiences may not look exactly the same as someone else's, they can definitely hopefully help somebody else along this journey. Luisa is both an incredible human and she is also an amazing consultant with emergent methods. She's a wife. Her family actually lives in Colombia, which is another big part of this is that, while her parents were around for the first couple weeks, thankfully, a lot of what she's been doing and dealing with is having her family in another country while she is raising a new beautiful baby girl.
Chelsea Borruano:So I'm really excited to talk to her today and I hope you'll enjoy this conversation. Hello, Luisa, thank you so much for being here. I'm excited to do this. I know you're a little bit nervous, so we're going to just sit here and we're going to have a conversation and hopefully people listening can really take away a lot from your story and your particular experience that I know so many new moms are going through. So let's jump right in and if you just kind of want to tell us a little bit about some of the things that you're going to touch on today and introduce yourself.
Luisa Cantillo:Well, my name is Luisa. I am a business management consultant. I am 32 years old Wow, I can believe that and I am married to Matthew. We've been married for a little bit over a year.
Chelsea Borruano:Can't believe that either.
Luisa Cantillo:It's been crazy, so much happened in the past year.
Chelsea Borruano:That feels like ages ago.
Luisa Cantillo:Yes, and we recently welcomed our very first baby, Elena. She's now five months old and sometimes also that feels like it's been forever and sometimes it feels like she was just born yesterday. And how is she so big and chunky already? But yeah, just trying to figure out motherhood and going back to work and I'm hoping that today what we talk here resonates with someone else, some new mom that's trying to figure out what to do or feeling the very same feelings that I've been feeling lately. So, yeah, just ready to be vulnerable and hopefully it helps someone.
Chelsea Borruano:Yeah, no, it definitely will.
Chelsea Borruano:For me, being able to walk alongside you in this experience even though obviously I could never fully understand what you've gone through it's also helped me be able to be this a little bit of a resource to other people.
Chelsea Borruano:It inspired me to want to do this series on that. We're talking about perinatal mental health and maternal mental health because, even though I knew that there was a lot that we didn't talk about, that we brushed over and that new moms just didn't get to know about, didn't know about it really seeing you go through it I was like this has to change. This is not supposed to be this way, it shouldn't be this way. And so you being vulnerable and open with that and now being a part of this podcast to do that really does in some small way or not so small way opens doors for other people to help them see they're not alone in what they're going through. So I think what for me was like eye opening a little bit in your experience was that a lot of times we hear about postpartum depression and what happens after you have the baby, but during pregnancy, the things that happen emotionally and mentally is a lot of times people don't talk about or prepare for. What was that experience like for you?
Luisa Cantillo:Yeah. So I think that I was an anxious person before I became pregnant. I just never really wanted to kind of address it or say I should probably take some medicine. This would probably help me not make myself suffer so much with my anxiety, but I just refuse to think that that was one of my needs until I was pregnant, and I remember I was about 13 weeks pregnant I had just passed that 12 week mark that is so important. You know that first trimester is like is this pregnancy going to actually be viable? And so that was already kind of stressing me out.
Luisa Cantillo:And then I remember that my parents were in town and I was fixating over this new device that my OB gave me to measure my blood pressure and just make sure that everything was okay. So I just remember sitting on my computer, working, my parents were in town just at home visiting, and I start feeling kind of like lightheaded and I'm like okay, what's happening? And then my mind just started spiraling, doing all kinds of crazy things, telling me early, have to check your blood pressure, your baby. Like what if you, you know you pass that 12 week mark, but then you're not going to make it as the 13th, and like I don't know. And my mind just started going crazy and I went and grabbed the little device to take my blood pressure and of course I'm panicking, of course the skyrocketed, of course that makes me panic. And so I just start feeling like I can't breathe. I had to go outside my mom's like try to calm down, try to breathe. I could not Do that and I just had to Go, like ended up going to woman's hospital, you know, kind of as an emergency, to Figure out what was wrong. My heartbeat was Gracie, like I could barely breathe, I thought I was gonna pass out. And then I get there and I have no symptoms, like everything's fine. And they are like Well, you know, we really think that everything's okay, baby sounds amazing, we hear her heartbeat, she's fine, her mama is not fine. And so they were like, well, you probably would benefit a lot from taking medicine, anxiety medicine. And I was just thinking, no, I don't really want to do that. And then we're like you really have a long way to go. You realize that you're only 13 weeks. You have to make it to 40 and then Prosperdom, depression and prosperity of anxiety is very real. Like it's get, it's gonna get worse. I was like, oh my gosh, this is no, I can't be possible. But yeah, come to find out. It did get worse, but thankfully I decided to go on with the medicine and, and my god, I was like, why didn't I just do this before? This is Like life-saving.
Luisa Cantillo:My pregnancy, like was it just completely changed my, my experience. During pregnancy, I was able to enjoy, you know, my, my time being pregnant. A lot of times I would feel, yeah, I mean, I'm not gonna say, oh, you know, it's completely cured my anxiety, I don't have any crazy thoughts or anything, but it would never get to the point that I would panic, which was the big thing. And, yeah, just helped me. I was on a tiny, tiny dose of it, though, so when I had Elena, we did need to increase it a little bit, but that was kind of my journey, it did help me. So, so so much.
Chelsea Borruano:Yeah, no, and I think I mean even for me, when it came to medication, like getting back on it this summer, there was still a lot of Hesitation for me, even knowing I knew how that it helped and I knew, like that I had struggled with Just making that decision in the first place and I thought I had sort of I thought I was okay with that now. But there's still so much like on ourselves, like this pressure we put on ourselves, to say, like what does this mean if I, why can't I do this without this thing? But you know, I think that's not necessarily the best way to think about it and it's really just a barrier, another barrier that we're placing on ourselves to not be able to get the help we need. And that's as simple as it is. Is that the thing about medication and I think we we had some conversations around this too is that it's not.
Chelsea Borruano:It's not that this is something that you necessarily couldn't eventually, maybe Do some things to put in place, to like start managing it on your own, but where you are now, everything you have on your plate in this moment, this, this tool right here, is something that can help you get to a better place where you are able to put things in place that you can manage it, and Whether it is just for a short time or it's for a long, longer period, it's a tool, it's another tool that we can use and at that moment, I think a lot of new moms or a lot of folks and during pregnancy To like really think or no, and I don't think we really know, and this is another issue Altogether is just that what we don't really know about women's hormones and like the things that are happening with our bodies, but the things that are happening with your body are is not something anyone is really well equipped to manage and so To just have that help, yeah is huge.
Luisa Cantillo:Yeah, and I remember my when I went to pernatal counseling. My therapist said you don't need to suffer no. That was a thing that was like it really clicked when she said that and I'm like, yeah, why do I need to put myself through all of this? Just to say that I'm not taking this medicine like it makes no sense, so that, and then Just thinking about my baby, that you know something could harm her if my blood pressure.
Luisa Cantillo:Was out of control. So just anything I would. I would do anything to make sure that one, that my baby, was okay. Yeah so those, those were two big things for me.
Chelsea Borruano:Yeah, that helped you move forward with that and I think a lot of people probably could use hearing that, because For a lot of us in the back of our heads it it's seen as a weakness, but really it's a sign of strength to make that decision, to say no, I don't have to suffer. And, and most more importantly it, it's that time you've already started recognizing that you know that you, that it's about your baby and what you can do for this, this child, and what the best thing you could have done for her was Take that medication and take care of yourself.
Luisa Cantillo:Yeah, yeah, and I grew up thinking that it, this, you know, this medicine, was a terrible thing and Um, for for me, growing up in a latino household, it was Depression. It was in a real thing. It was like, no, like why are you sad? Just pray, and Um, just go and find something to do, um, so it was like I don't know, I, I didn't you know how, know how my, my parents were going to react to Um me telling them I'm getting one anxiety medicine and I was actually very surprised that they were Open to it and they were like, well, you know, if that's gonna help you, that's, that's good. So that was another kind of layer.
Luisa Cantillo:Yeah, let me feel like, okay, this is the right decision yeah so, and was that?
Chelsea Borruano:did you, y'all have any more conversations around that, or was that kind of where it landed? I think?
Luisa Cantillo:I think we have tried to have conversations, but and I know they try to help, right, they, they have the best intentions. But, um, my dad, just he's like, well, you just need to think the positive, you just need to have confidence in yourself. You're like a very talented person or you know this and that. And my mom's like, well, you have to pray to God. So, and I'm like, ok, I love you guys, but never mind, yes, yes.
Chelsea Borruano:Yeah, I think that's one of those things, like it's, I'm glad that you were able to open up to them and that they, in that pressure was sort of lifted of like wondering what they would think about this thing.
Chelsea Borruano:That's the decision that you made and but at the end of the day, you do have to still recognize that some people are going to have their beliefs about things and, you know, hopefully though I think in a lot of small ways and I've had a lot of conversations around this, especially with people who come from, you know, from different, different cultural backgrounds is that even just by, you know, chances are they may end up being able to get pieces and parts of this podcast or listen and have you still continue to have these conversations around these things you're going through? And, even if it's not directly, I'd imagine that something they go through, they may have a feeling that is an anxious feeling or something like that, and it might shift their perspective, even in a small way or in the way that they interact with other people that might be dealing with something similar, and that's really like the best thing we could hope for, right, is that it just gives people a little bit more space to say or to look at things in a different way than they would have before. Yeah, yeah, so, talking about your family, I did in your intro I did mention you know that your families in Columbia and that they were thankfully able, your parents, were able to be here for a chunk of time after Elena was born. But tell us a little bit more about that because I imagine that has not been easy and it you know, not having not always having your, your mom especially right here, you know is is challenging.
Luisa Cantillo:Yeah, that is. And it was crazy because we had planned on having her for the birth, but of course, elena decided to show up at 37 weeks, so she wasn't here, my mom wasn't here. And I just call and I'm like my water broke, I'm in labor, we're doing this, and she's like what? And so I'm like can I book you a flight for tomorrow? And she's like yes, and she just like packed everything. And just, you know, the next day she was here and it was crazy because I had Elena.
Luisa Cantillo:Whatever, we go back to the house and I am like having like a, you know, meltdown, crying, because she was screaming from hunger, I guess. And you know at that time, like the, the second day that you know you have your baby, you still your milk has not come in. So it's just, and the baby's freaking out. And you're like what is happening? Do I? Is it time for the formula? I'm like, no, like it's just like let let your body do its thing.
Luisa Cantillo:But at the same time, it was very stressful. I didn't know what I was doing at all and you know, the house has so many windows around and so my mom's just standing there waiting on us to open the door, looking at us through the windows, struggle with the baby, and then I'm like, when I look at my phone, my mom's like I'm here outside and she's like I was watching you guys for like 10 minutes. We were like, oh, my God, yeah. And so she got there and she was like, okay, hands on, why do I need to do like? She did all the things, like all the cooking, the loving on me, and that that was really big, because when you become a mom, you have to give everything of you, and at that point I was like I have nothing else to give. And you know, my mom came in to kind of nurture me too and I just felt like, okay, you know, it's kind of like one of those things when the baby needs food, the mom needs food.
Luisa Cantillo:The baby needs sleep. The baby, the mom needs sleep as well. But it's it's kind of one of those things when you have your baby, everything and every, everyone, is about the baby and the mom is kind of like you know. Kind of like you know how's the baby, how's the baby, but like, how's the mom? Yeah Right, so it was amazing to have her.
Luisa Cantillo:She was here for six weeks and then at six weeks, we were kind of ready to make that transition into what is parenthood going to look like Just the two of us together. We cannot expect to have my parents here forever. So, yeah, it was amazing to have her and my dad was here for about three weeks, but we were ready, we were able to transition. My mom was here for a very crucial period of time where, you know, I was just struggling and then it was, it was good. But yeah, I mean, I try to keep them. You know, I try to face on them all the time, make sure Elena knows who they are. And then we're traveling to Columbia for the holidays. So I'm really excited to be here. And then we're traveling to Columbia for the holidays, so I'm very excited that she's going to get to experience her country for the very first time.
Chelsea Borruano:Oh, that's so exciting. I just got I just got goosebumps thinking about it. But yeah, and you know you talked about especially in those six weeks and a lot, a lot happened, a lot. You went through a lot and we talked a little bit about, like the things you experienced during pregnancy. What about postpartum? What did that look like? Would it taking care of yourself and your mental health look like?
Luisa Cantillo:Wow, my gosh, yeah, postpartum. Just I just remember, like I don't know, the first couple of weeks were kind of our kind of a blur, because we were just so exhausted and but I mean having the baby. You know, I gave birth naturally and so I literally pushed a baby out and then I went without any medicine whatsoever and then I went home with ibuprofen and that was it, and so, and you're bleeding a lot and like I really wish that's one of the things I really wish we talked about more, more. You know, I guess our society made us more aware of the things that we're going to experience once we become a mom, because you just see this romanticized idea on social media with this girl that just gave birth and she's like cleaning the house and breastfeeding is perfect, and it was like I was. I had on a diaper for a month and could not even wear it, like I had to go around shirtless because everything hurt. Breastfeeding hurts so bad. Like you know, my nipples were cracking, it was birder line bleeding and I am like what is happening? Am I alone in this? And no, I'm not alone. You're never alone. There's someone else going through the same exact struggle, and that is what I feel is very powerful.
Luisa Cantillo:When I had the chance to talk to other moms, I remember one of my neighbors reached out and she was like I had the baby blues hit me so hard. The first two weeks were the hardest of my life. And I was like, so you're telling me this is how you felt as well. And they were like, yeah, absolutely. And I'm like why is nobody talking about this? And yeah, recovery was hard. I had a tear, so I also had to heal from that and you just have all of this going on. But it's, it's your kind of an autopilot, like just you have to function somehow because there's this little tiny human that you have to keep alive and they are very needy. It's 24, seven, and so I was like just losing my mind just from the lack of sleep, the physical pain, I think Once I pushed that baby out, like every muscle in my body hurt, it's like I just feel like I was hit by a truck and so, yeah, that was a lot.
Luisa Cantillo:And Then I remember having my electation consultant over Because the baby didn't seem to latch properly and then I was like a whole, you know, added pressure Like component there, because for some people, you know, maybe breastfeeding was Smooth, but I would say, for the majority of you know, first time mom, breastfeeding is a struggle and it's really painful yeah, like it was sometimes, like I would compare as painful as the contractions.
Luisa Cantillo:And like you know, giving birth, and I remember trying to breastfeed her with one of those bags in case I had to, you know, literally throw up from the pain that I was feeling. So it was just, I don't know, just really, really hard, and it helped so much that I had an amazing support system. You know I had my parents there my husband was very present and helping me, the lactation consultant, the midwives at the At the birth center, and then my amazing friends that showed up in every single way, you know, having the, the meals drop off and all of that was huge. So that Definitely helped so much with their recovery, just giving me the tools to To be able to not worry about anything else, don't worry about the food, don't worry about cleaning, you know, worry about recovering and the baby, which is already a lot.
Chelsea Borruano:Mm-hmm.
Luisa Cantillo:So I think that was good. And once I started to Feel a little bit better I think it was probably five weeks, pospartum I started seeking counseling and Then I started going on to therapy for, for you know, pospartum, anxiety. That also helped me a lot and, you know, little by little it does get better. Everybody tells you it gets better. You know I win.
Chelsea Borruano:Yeah.
Luisa Cantillo:It did get better yeah.
Chelsea Borruano:Yeah, and I can say from like, as I kind of walking with you through some of this, is that that part of it where, just like you were saying that, the part that know that people don't really talk about but every single new mom is going through this. And Instead, I think, because you do get to the other side of it and you start to see this beauty and this wonderful thing, and Sometimes I think maybe it was you that I was like, how does somebody decide to do this again? Oh, yeah, while you're going through it, I'm like I think they forget. I think they forget and but it's also that you know it's. This is again it's sort of the stigma around like, oh, but you're so lucky, you've made a beautiful thing, you've created this beautiful lot, this beautiful new life. You brought life into the world, and isn't the baby beautiful? And it's like, yes, and I am, I am just struggling and I am in pain, and Both of those things can be true that this beautiful baby is here and I'm so grateful and thankful for that and I don't like it.
Chelsea Borruano:There were some times I didn't know if I was gonna make it through this, this part of it, and Then all of like the really gross stuff that happens, the things that happen to your body physically, the things that happen to you emotionally. That should be Motherhood 101, like everyone should know. This is because we should, as a society, be able to talk about it, and it's not just for up for the, for a new mom, it's also for the people trying to support the new mom, because I think what I tell people if they're like, oh, I'm trying to think of, like well, how can I support a friend of mine who's about to have a baby, I'm like the biggest thing to do in those first few weeks and during pregnancy is whatever you can do to help take care of the mom, because she's not taking care of herself. She can't. She's got to take care of her baby that she is not, probably not emotionally and mentally, physically equipped to do. So it's sort of I mean this the way you described your mom I'm nurturing you while you're nurturing your new baby.
Chelsea Borruano:I could like picture this just beautiful Moment of almost like your mom sort of lifting you up and like holding your hands around a baby, holding you up so that you can hold this baby, and that's all of these. The way, the best way to do be this support system is to literally lift up the mother in every way possible so that she can now do this new huge job that she has. You know that she's Wants to do that, she's ready to do, but it's like that's it, that's it, and obviously the baby needs things too. But the mom's got that, you know, and I think you you also really showed me that that, that that was your priority and the way you navigated it and Worked through it and grew through that process was beautiful to see you like I think I've said this to you before it's like you doing this and watching you go through this In a lot of ways, instead of like, this thing about like seeing somebody raise a child or having a baby can like scare you from having a baby in so many ways, it was the opposite for me, like Seeing you.
Chelsea Borruano:It's like I really I want to be able, I want to be able to experience this too, and it was because of the way that you were vulnerable and that you said, like ask for help when you needed it, and that you were honest about the really hard feelings and Painful things that you were going through, instead of just trying to push their power through and get to the next moment, and and the way that you Did the work so that you could continue being better for your daughter was Incredible to see, even like through the breakdowns and through the moments where you weren't sure if you were gonna make it through.
Chelsea Borruano:And then the the way, though, that you managed it, on the other side of it, just like to recognize what you just went through, instead of just like going on to the next thing, like so many of us do, you took the time to say that was hell and I made it through, and now I've learned from it and I know that that it's gonna be hell again, but I know I have a little bit more to get me through it.
Luisa Cantillo:Oh my gosh, yeah, and I mean it's. It's so sweet that you describe it as beautiful, and on my hand I see anything but beautiful.
Chelsea Borruano:Oh no, don't get me wrong, you were a mess, but, but it was beautiful, like every time, I think. Every time it's so hard to be a person trying to support somebody, knowing that I can never fully understand what you're going through, knowing that and I know you've you've used this term too like you were alone, you were um, you can't even pretend that motherhood. You're not going through this alone, even if you have a partner, even if you have all the people around you, even if you're never alone physically. You were alone in a lot of those moments, so terribly alone, and knowing that, as a person who wants to help you, but having to, like recognize that this is something you have to get through yourself, and then seeing you do that, that was the beautiful moment. It was messy, oh yeah, it's very messy, yeah, and it's still.
Luisa Cantillo:You know it still is, and, um, just thinking about how lonely it can feel, um, you know I'm I was thinking that since I had Elena, I haven't had a full night of sleep in more than five months, because when I was pregnant, when you're so pregnant, you're also so uncomfortable that you have to go to the bathroom every two seconds, so it's like, no, you know, I haven't slept a full night in months and months, so that that does something to a person. Yeah, um, right, and so, thinking about that loneliness, every night I have to get up to pump and so you're just kind of sit when everything is quiet, maybe maybe sleeping. Typically she's sleeping, um, your husband's sleeping and he's just there, it's so quiet and you're, and you're just, you know, pumping, you know doing this thing, you know to provide food for your baby, and yet feeling so alone, and so it still feels that way, even though it's been already five months. We kind of, we, I think we're out of the trenches now. Yeah, yeah, you know, managing everything. We're enjoying her.
Luisa Cantillo:I wasn't able to enjoy her at first because it was just so, I was in survival mode, but, um, now it's just so fun to see her smile, to see her giggle and discover, you know, new things, be aware of her environment. But, yeah, it's still sometimes very lonely, especially that that part where, yeah, you have to get up in the middle of the night either to feed the baby or to or to pump for her, because, because, you gotta make sure that you provide for her.
Chelsea Borruano:So yeah, it's um, yeah, it is. It is one of those things like I think that's another thing like to not to not want to, like say that being a new mom or being a mom period is lonely is is a lie. It's another one of those things we we try to um, you know, like sugarcoat and make, romanticize, like you said, this whole process. But in those moments, this, this deep loneliness that you can, somebody can feel, and loneliness is a um, can be hell, you know, um, and it, it can lead to a lot of dark thoughts and a lot and bring people to a lot of dark places.
Chelsea Borruano:So, being able that's another thing I think you have to learn and work through is to be able to sit with that loneliness and accept that, yeah, in this moment I have, this is just me, it's just going to be me getting through this and doing it. And, yeah, there's some, there's courage in that, there's strength in that to be able to do that. But it's also it's also can be really painful and um, a lot of I think a lot of people have probably felt that feeling and then felt some shame around, feeling like that um to say like, oh well, you know, I me complaining about being lonely when my husband has been so supportive, or x, y and z has been so supportive, but it's not that like to, it is lonely period. Um, you know, there's no shame in that it is.
Luisa Cantillo:That's true, yeah, and yeah, that's, that's, that's true. Even I even think you know how do um single moms do this and I would think about that so much and try to make that help me kind of boost my my you know, mood or whatever.
Luisa Cantillo:Uh, because I was like I do feel very thankful that I have access to so many tools yeah you know, um just being able to seek therapy and counseling and having a husband, and not only having a husband, having one that's present yeah having one that wants to be part of this and, um, having access to a lactation consultant, having access to, you know, help my baby with therapy for her tongue tie all these things that I am able to access, and it's still difficult, so I can't imagine what it is for someone that can access all of that, and that's one thing that I would love for you know, for it to change. Um, because so many women become moms and, like you, don't have all the tools at the tip of your fingers to go through that yeah, and it's.
Chelsea Borruano:It's amazing to me, when you talked about this on another episode, um around the same topic, that it is literally what is keeping the world going right, um, and yet we don't put the resources towards it that we should. Um, it's wild. It's wild, um, obviously it's not. There's a lot of systems in place, that sort of work against it that needs to be changed, and there's a lot of work that needs to be done, um, but being open and being vulnerable and being able to share your experiences is definitely still makes a difference. You know, um, and having those sort of communities of people that are open and honest about their experiences to say like no, no, no, you're not going.
Chelsea Borruano:You're not the only one who's done this like you and you are not um. You know that everything you're going through warrants help and support, um, and that there's nothing wrong with asking for it, um, and then we are getting kind of towards the end of this. But there, another thing that came up that I think a lot of people don't talk about is you're like I hate my husband right now. Is that normal? It's like, yeah, that's another piece of it. You talk about how supportive he is and he definitely is a very present parent, and seeing him become a dad has been really, really great too, um, but I can imagine the challenges that you're facing with your partner during this experience yeah, something that I had no idea was a thing is postpartum rage yes, that is not a term.
Luisa Cantillo:We hear a lot well, it is a thing very much so and so, and you have this innate instinct to take care of your baby, and so for me it was. I didn't want anyone to hold her. It was so weird, I was scared that, you know, she just came out of my body. I did everything to protect her when she was in my belly. I cannot control everything now that she's out so I had this like drive to protect this baby and everything else kind of didn't matter, um, and then, yeah, you, just, you just start experiencing this rage over the littlest things like I would, you know, make up, you know scenarios in my head where, where I would be, maybe, maybe my husband's, like holding the baby, um, going through like the door, you know, and it's gonna hit her head or what if he dropped her or what you know all these crazy things. And I was like no, I don't want you to be around her. I don't. It was so weird and so crazy, um, and I had no idea.
Luisa Cantillo:And another thing that was like kind of it's funny now, but it wasn't at the time it's like he would be tired. I'm like, are you tired of what? Did you push out a baby? Or, I'm sorry, what did I miss? And I mean, of course he's allowed to be tired, like I'm sure he is extremely tired. I mean, is he as exhausted as I am? Probably not.
Luisa Cantillo:But, I have to allow him to be tired, right. It just felt like how dare you say you're tired? Are you seeing me right now? So it was yeah, it sounds funny now, but it definitely wasn't funny and I'm glad we're past that. Yeah, the first two weeks were saying he had to put up with a lot.
Chelsea Borruano:Yeah, and thankfully he, you know I think he was pretty well-equipped to handle it and understanding enough to like, because he has been so present and open and y'all are able to talk about a lot of this stuff that you're going through. That I know. I mean, I'm sure on first instinct there were a lot of emotions that came up for both of you, for him, as a reaction. But being able to move past it and say this is just for now, this is temporary, we will get through this. Yeah, to have a partner that can do that without sort of taking it personally, because, well, a lot of that was pretty personal.
Luisa Cantillo:Yeah, well, he did have to remind me we're gonna get through this.
Luisa Cantillo:We're gonna get through this. Yeah, you know, just in the darkest moments, because I sometimes and it was really not just with him, it was like also around my mom, you know, when she came from Columbia, I had her wear a mask around the baby for several days and I was like what if she, you know, caught COVID and you know, at the airport or I don't know, it was just your mind is so crazy those days that, yeah, anything made me like go from zero to 100 very, very quickly.
Chelsea Borruano:In so many ways it's like that is. It is sort of like this animal instinct, like, yeah, there's so many hormones and the chemicals and everything in your body now telling you protect this being at all cost you at a certain point. There are some things that you have very little control over and these emotions that come up are one very real thing that, especially if it's not something you sort of expect to experience, can be overwhelming in a lot of ways and we can only do so much to manage that you know. And so it does take you know the people around you, to understand, to also be open to understanding what you know, what somebody is going through in those moments, to to be able to get through that together. You know, because that's not something you can change honestly.
Chelsea Borruano:Obviously there's ways you can try and manage the way you react to or interact with those emotions, but they're gonna come, they are You're gonna come, and I think another one of those things where we should know that they're gonna come, we should all be talking about this. This should be common knowledge of all the things that could potentially, you know that that a lot of moms go through when they're dealing with this process. I think I said that we were coming to an end a while ago and I thought of something else I wanted to talk about, but you also mentioned COVID. You mentioned being scared that. You know, and it's a very real fear, especially with the fact that we just went through and are still in very much in sort of this pre-p-posed pandemic and state and so hypervigilance around sickness and again, protecting your child that all cost. You had to go through all of that all simultaneously.
Luisa Cantillo:Yeah, and I think that sometimes society expects to go meet your baby that just came out of your body very like quickly. And you know, I have seen a lot of, I guess, on social media, like a lot of trying to create awareness that that's not really best I guess best practice. You know, typically you would want to expose your baby when they're about two months old, when they get their shots and everything. But, yeah, sometimes you know, just just the thought of even having someone come from outside to visit your baby. I remember even struggling with my lactation consultant, you know, because she was in our house the next day after I had Elena, so and she's, you know, examining her for oral ties, so she's like sticking her you know fingers in her mouth and I'm just here thinking oh my gosh, is she clean, is she you?
Luisa Cantillo:know I'm just like freaking out and sadly it did happen that Elena got COVID when she was two months old and she was just so little so it was so scary. I don't think I got an ounce of sleep that week, but I mean she honestly she did okay. I was the one that wasn't okay. Yeah, it wasn't super scary for her. She was just really fussy and uncomfortable, you know, just the normal kind of symptoms, nothing super crazy, but it was just really really scary for me. So, yeah, just kind of being aware of you know again, it's a it's new, fresh baby just trying to kind of what we call a cocoon, you know, to protect the baby. Like you know, if you can get your flu shots, get you COVID vaccine. That way everybody that's around the baby it's acting kind of like a barrier.
Chelsea Borruano:Yeah, for for the illness so, yeah, I think that's another great, great sort of tool like for people who are trying to be a support system is is everything you can put into place to take some of that fear away and some of that exactly anything you can do. Do it, you know, because at the end of the day like, obviously, people who aren't experiencing it with you, you can definitely start to forget, but for you, you don't get to turn that off. Other people get to oh, that's not, that's you know, don't worry, don't worry is like a big but that's not. You can't. You can't not worry. You were literally now like it is your instinct, it is your imperative, it is your job, your role, your everything, to worry about this child, and so the best thing somebody can do is help alleviate some of that worry in whatever way possible.
Luisa Cantillo:Just being respectful of whatever the mom wants to do at the time. Yeah, respecting boundaries and not expecting to just hold a baby, or, you know, if the mom is not okay with it like it's not a potato, yeah right.
Chelsea Borruano:So, yeah, I think that's another really great thing. Just take the mom's lead, like just let you know, be there, be there, let them know you're there, and then follow their lead, and it really is that simple. But I think you also did a really great job at learning and growing and then setting boundaries based on the things that you learned and found and navigated along the way.
Chelsea Borruano:I think, like I said, seeing you at this point and knowing everything you've gone through, it's yes you did it, you did it, you're still doing it, but this is something like I hope that you celebrate. I hope that you celebrate. How much you think I was saying when she turns one.
Luisa Cantillo:I'm not gonna make it about her. I'm gonna make it about being.
Chelsea Borruano:Yes, you made it a year. That's huge. Well, also I mean because it's wait. Do y'all think what's the birthday? Is it June 11th? So almost the same birthdays. So, yeah, let's do that For as long as we can, at least for the first few years. She's gonna know what's happening anyways. So for the first couple of years. Let's just celebrate the fact that you've made it through this Seriously. That is huge, huge accomplishment, oh my gosh.
Chelsea Borruano:Oh, okay. So, yes, we really do have to wrap up now. So if you were to either like share one message for a new mom or like one thing that you would want somebody to really take from this conversation that we've had and from your experience, what would that be?
Luisa Cantillo:Oh my gosh, that's so hard to try to, you know, put into words, but I think for me is again, you're gonna think that you're alone and it's gonna feel lonely, but you're never the only person going through that, and reaching out and being vulnerable is gonna help other people open up and that way you can hear other people's experiences and understand that not only you're not alone, but there's everybody that becomes a mom, goes through some degree of you know depression or anxiety, and that it is gonna get better you know, and it might sound like oh yeah, everybody says that, but it is gonna get better, and then you'll be able to look back and be proud of yourself for everything that you've been able to accomplish.
Luisa Cantillo:So that's my biggest thing you are really not alone.
Chelsea Borruano:Well, thank you so much for sharing and thank you for sharing this journey and you know, this beautiful experience and painful experience and messy experience and all of it.
Luisa Cantillo:Thanks for not making me feel nervous. We're doing all the things, of course. I love it.
Chelsea Borruano:And thank you all for listening.
